Farewell to Karren

“Some days just don't go as well as others. You come back down to earth and it jolts your body when your feet hit the pavement. From there, you can either crash to the ground, completely overwhelmed by gravity; stand there dazed; or find the strength to jump and try to stay airborne as long as you can.”

You know who said that?  Karren did.  But she said it before she had discovered that an old friend's brother was dead.  From the way things are sounding, he took his own life.

Based on that analogy that started off this thing, one could say that Ms. Jevetz is presently a shattered mass of flesh and bones bleeding out on the pavement.  She landed, got ready to jump, heard the news, and was slammed to the ground by the crippling forces of gravity.

Mortality is rather annoying, isn't it?

Karren...  Karren, what are you doing?

Oh Christ, put that razor down.  You're not a child, handle yourself like an adult.  It's all rusty and the edge isn't very sharp.  I've seen it, you showed me, remember?  When you were telling me how proud you were of never having harmed yourself?

God DAMN IT Karren!  STOP!

...What a fucking mess...  I'm going to lose my lunch if that doesn't stop bleeding soon...  Karren, what are you going to do when they find you like this..?  They'll stop the bleeding and you'll get tetanus from that rusty piece of shit and then you'll die.  You're so goddamn stupid sometimes...

Perhaps we should jump back to the previous hour to explain why I'm at my wit's end and why Karren is getting ready to bleed out in her bathtub.

Karren heard the news about her friend's brother several hours ago, actually.  I can assume she was sad for a short time before recovering and going about her business (which, knowing Karren, is doing absolutely nothing).  She probably slept, scrolled around on Facebook, and sent some texts here and there.  Some of them being to me, talking about the man that died.  She said she didn't really know him, but she knew his sister.  She said he was probably about 22 or so.  It sounded like suicide.  I asked her how she was and she sounded okay.

However, once Karren began thinking, things began to quickly accelerate at a steep downward angle.  She called me and said some rather dark things:

“This shouldn't be happening...  He was young.  Death is for the old.  And I knew him, I mean, I'd probably met him once or twice.  People I know shouldn't die.  Who could be next?  Chris?  Jake?  Kel?  Sade?  ...I know...  Yes, I know that we all have to die.  But practically all of my friends have been suicidal or currently are...  There's no statistic that tells whether or not they could kill themselves today.  ...It's not the same as random things that can kill you every day...  They could just decide to off themselves today and that's it.”

She quickly said farewell and I can assume she contacted her best friend, Stella.  I received a sad text about how Karren was crying and Stella abandoned her and went out to do whatever with some guy.  I tried to comfort Karren, completely bothered by how Stella had just left her best friend like that.  

And then I got the texts.  Desperate, pleading, wit's end sort of texts.  Karren was now definitely sure that it was suicide, she'd heard it from a family member of the man that died.  She was absolutely distraught, she called me sobbing.  And I, I just didn't know what to say...  

And that was that.  And now—Karren Karren Karren Karren Karren are you there?  FUCK GOD DAMN IT YOU BITCH WHY DID YOU DO THAT??!

My blood runs cold.  No, no, no!!  Karren!!  Tears are streaming down my face as my numb fingers press 9, press 1, press 1.  I'm sobbing, collapsed to my knees as I choke out the situation and address to the operator.

Please get there...  Please save her...

I don't have time to find out how Karren turns out.  I've already tied a makeshift noose for myself out of an extension cord.  I can't deal with this.  I can't live in this world.  I don't want to find out if Karren is really dead.

There's a beam in the middle of the garage.  It looks sturdy.  I've got a rusty old stepladder somewhere.  I just hope the cord holds.

Tell Karren I'm sorry, will you?  If you can't, then I'll tell her myself.  Farewell, you sick fucked up excuse of a life.  You can't hold me anymore.